Teenager being bullied commits suicide

[JustAGuy]

I don't think it's wrong.  I wish I had a Daddy that gave a shit.  I moved a million times with a new school each move.  I fended for myself.  It made me a tough girl, but it was a hard life. A very hard life.  I met every kind of bully there is... and now as a mother myself, I can say I intentionally teach my babes how to defend themselves. I don't give them the ok to BE a bully. But I'd rather be in trouble for supporting them in defending themselves then have them develop into the perpetual victim role. Fuck that.  Even victims have a choice in how far that treatment is taken. 

We moved a lot to, to much IMO. I feel bad that we drug her away from friends so many times. I did teach her to stick up for herself, and she wasnt afraid to do it either. There were two incidents that the school called because she was in trouble for beating up a boy

[Badger]

A tough row to hoe.  One thing I have learned is that the bullies don't bully in front of authority figures.  However, they will take the cheap shot and when yours retaliates yours gets in trouble.  Because, and I love this, they never saw the other kid do anything.

[EsenciaDeLaFuerza]

We moved a lot to, to much IMO. I feel bad that we drug her away from friends so many times. I did teach her to stick up for herself, and she wasnt afraid to do it either. There were two incidents that the school called because she was in trouble for beating up a boy

Well, for me, we're talking thirty something schools.  I lost count after 33. Seriously... and even then, having parents worth having would have well made up for that.  Try not to be too hard on yourself for remedial mistakes... we as parents make them, it's guaranteed.   

[audrey]

Even victims have a choice in how far that treatment is taken. 

I don't agree with that. There are always situations in which you don't have that choice. When taught how to defend yourself, I guess the number of those situations becomes seriously limited, but even so it depends on many more factors than just that. Taking myself as an example, or that 9-year-old who committed suicide - what could we've done? I was nine too (eight even), just moved, painfully shy. I knew no ways to defend myself, didn't have them I think, I just had heaps and heaps of fear and a slowly crumbling sense of selfworth that I'd never paid much attention to until it got kicked from underneath me. I've never been strong nor really a fighter, I didn't get the hang of verbal barbs until puberty, I had no friends, the teachers didn't give a fuck and transferring to another school just brought back that fear: what if I did and I'd get bullied both there, and in the village we lived in where I would no doubt still see those other kids? What should I've done to stop and/or limit the 'treatment'? What choice did I have?

I know you didn't mean it personally and I try not to take it like that (though I guess it's still more of a sore point than I usually think), just wanted to point out that I don't think your statement is correct. In some situations, yes, definitely. And learning to defend yourself is certainly a good thing. I can now, most of the time anyway. But that doesn't mean the victims always have a choice.

[EsenciaDeLaFuerza]

I don't agree with that. There are always situations in which you don't have that choice. When taught how to defend yourself, I guess the number of those situations becomes seriously limited, but even so it depends on many more factors than just that. Taking myself as an example, or that 9-year-old who committed suicide - what could we've done? I was nine too (eight even), just moved, painfully shy. I knew no ways to defend myself, didn't have them I think, I just had heaps and heaps of fear and a slowly crumbling sense of selfworth that I'd never paid much attention to until it got kicked from underneath me. I've never been strong nor really a fighter, I didn't get the hang of verbal barbs until puberty, I had no friends, the teachers didn't give a fuck and transferring to another school just brought back that fear: what if I did and I'd get bullied both there, and in the village we lived in where I would no doubt still see those other kids? What should I've done to stop and/or limit the 'treatment'? What choice did I have?

I know you didn't mean it personally and I try not to take it like that (though I guess it's still more of a sore point than I usually think), just wanted to point out that I don't think your statement is correct. In some situations, yes, definitely. And learning to defend yourself is certainly a good thing. I can now, most of the time anyway. But that doesn't mean the victims always have a choice.

I am not negating anything you have said and feel.  Please know that.  Going forward, I do believe your personal perspective didn't allow you to see what I meant... I'm gonna say it again and I would like you to read word for word what I wrote... Even victims have a choice how far that treatment is taken.  How far.

And the set up to that was "I'd rather be in trouble for supporting them (my children) in defending themselves then have them develop into the perpetual victim role."  Perpetual.

We have all been a victim at some point. I am not in any way saying that you being a victim was your fault.  How you allow it to shape your life going forward is a choice.   I was molested. I was young. It was most definitely not my fault.  I could not have prevented it. I do however have a conscious choice in what I do with that... the feelings, what I''ve learned, how I would like to defend myself going forward, how I defend my own children so that they won't have this to deal with. 

It is exceptionally sad this 9 year old could not find another way to deal with this... parental protection was not in place. 

I'm hoping this made more sense to you.

[audrey]

I am not negating anything you have said and feel.  Please know that.  Going forward, I do believe your personal perspective didn't allow you to see what I meant... I'm gonna say it again and I would like you to read word for word what I wrote... Even victims have a choice how far that treatment is taken.  How far.

And the set up to that was "I'd rather be in trouble for supporting them (my children) in defending themselves then have them develop into the perpetual victim role."  Perpetual.

We have all been a victim at some point. I am not in any way saying that you being a victim was your fault.  How you allow it to shape your life going forward is a choice.   I was molested. I was young. It was most definitely not my fault.  I could not have prevented it. I do however have a conscious choice in what I do with that... the feelings, what I''ve learned, how I would like to defend myself going forward, how I defend my own children so that they won't have this to deal with. 

It is exceptionally sad this 9 year old could not find another way to deal with this... parental protection was not in place. 

I'm hoping this made more sense to you.

I figured I'd probably misunderstood you, because it didn't strike me as the kind of thing you'd say. Thank you for explaining it

It makes more sense now, and in this context, I do agree with it. What happens to people can't always be prevented, but what you do with it afterwards definitely is a matter of choice. Up to a point anyway.

Again, thank you for explaining, I was hoping I'd misunderstood you.

[EsenciaDeLaFuerza]

I figured I'd probably misunderstood you, because it didn't strike me as the kind of thing you'd say. Thank you for explaining it

It makes more sense now, and in this context, I do agree with it. What happens to people can't always be prevented, but what you do with it afterwards definitely is a matter of choice. Up to a point anyway.

Again, thank you for explaining, I was hoping I'd misunderstood you.

Thank you for reading it with an open mind.

And to clarify a little further from my personal perspective... my mother is that perpetual victim and it is my choice not to follow her down that road.  Considering she did not protect me, did not put me first when she clearly should have as a mother, I had (and have for that matter) every "right" to travel that road. I choose not to. Everyday.  I choose to put my children first instead of just allowing things to happen to them.  I can't and don't want to protect them from EVERYTHING. Life needs to be lived and that includes the falls.  But the truly destructive situations are usually preventable if the parent is paying attention.

[Susan71]

UPDATE

NORTHAMPTON, Mass. -- Nine teens have been charged in the "unrelenting" bullying of a teenage girl from Ireland who killed herself after being raped and enduring months of torment by classmates in person and online, a prosecutor said Monday.

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