Childfree by choice

[blurry]

I had to give a presentation on the pro's of being childfree by choice, while taking a health class in college.  It was a good experience for me, and I totally agree with anyone who makes that decision!  Same for folks who opt out of marriage.  I absolutely adore my kids and never for a moment regret having had them, but I do wonder sometimes how my life would be if I had not gotten married, and not had kids.  Iused to think that marriage was the penultimate, that you couldn't have a good life without it, and now, 20 years later, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that being single could be a very wonderful thing.

[Badger]

I can not stand people who are married or have kids and think that I am missing out on something just because it makes them feel more fullfilled to have other people in their lives like that.

There may have been a couple of dads in San Antonio may have rethought their kids after your wardrobe malfunction.

 

[blueluvinurse]

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that being single could be a very wonderful thing.

I totally agree. Although I am deliriously happily married and completely satisfied with my 'lil rugrats--I know that there a tons of peeps who are deliriously happy and completely satisfied as single and sans chirrens.

[EsenciaDeLaFuerza]

the truth is, most people who are in a family type situation look down on their single friends. I don't know if it's jealousy or really that they think my life would be more complete with a man or a kid....but it drives me nuts.

How do you know this is true?  I certainly don't feel that way... nor did I get that treatment when I was single.

[Sotxter]

I most certainly don't judge people for their choices regarding relationships and children.  I have been happily single for about 12 years and have people in my life that just refuse to believe me.  I truly don't know if I'll marry again, and have lost not one minutes sleep worrying about it.  The same people that are skeptical about my happily single status, spare no praise when talking about what a great father I've been.  I guess they are surprised that someone could be both.

[audrey]

It would depend on the person, I guess; some people feel they simply can't be happy without a relationship, others would prefer being single over a relationship any day. I have been enjoying being single for several years too, and am in no hurry to get into a relationship any time soon. If I would accidentally stumble upon the right boy or girl, though, I wouldn't mind a relationship either.

Like vynyl and Sotxter, I've had people sort of 'pity' me for being single, thinking I was missing out on something Very Important or whatever. I also have a bunch of wonderful friends, single or not, that don't care one bit as long as I'm happy with the way it is. People who are in one kind of situation and very happy with that (eg. a married family life) often find it hard that people in an entirely different situation can be just as happy. I sometimes wonder, when I see friends in a rather clingy and dependant/co-dependant kind of relationship, if they're really happy that way. I shouldn't - just because I wouldn't last a week in a relationship like that doesn't mean that no one else can want it that way.

And Sotxter, I think it's great that you prove to those around you that it is not at all impossible to be a happily single great parent.

[blueluvinurse]

Like vynyl and Sotxter, I've had people sort of 'pity' me for being single, thinking I was missing out on something Very Important or whatever.

And it goes both ways, I had been pitied for giving up the single life. "Oh you're tied down now, you can't just go like you used to..."  "It's a shame you can't live life for yourself anymore."  I would just let it go in one ear and out the other.  It's my life. Not theirs.

[audrey]

And it goes both ways, I had been pitied for giving up the single life. "Oh you're tied down now, you can't just go like you used to..."  "It's a shame you can't live life for yourself anymore."  I would just let it go in one ear and out the other.  It's my life. Not theirs.

Exactly, that is what I (try to) live by, too. Obviously I fail sometimes (like the example I mentioned of some friends who're in a rather mutually clingy relationship), but in the end I always remind myself that I have as little right to judge them for their way of being happy as they have of judging mine.

[Badger]

A wise man once told me that you make decisions in your life and you live with the decision. (Thanks Myron)
If you decide to have kids it is not a bad thing, niether is deciding to not have kids.
Sure there are shallow people that will criticize on both sides of the arguement, but it is your life not theirs.
You need to live your life the way you want.  If everyone conformed to one person's standard then the world would be a boring place.

[CrimsonRegret]

I support people on both sides of this topic and do not judge regardless of anyone's choices. Personally I am single [by choice] and childless [by choice] and I love it. Although I am only 24 I have had a lot of people tell me that I would be great with kids of my own. Somedays I say that I will not have children, and others I feel that I do indeed want to be a mother some day. Its really annoying, however, when my mother constantly tells me that I will never have kids just because I do not already have them and am not in a relationship. My sister is a large part of my life [she's 11] and I have taken over pretty much since I was 13.

My brother [21YO] has a 2YO son that comes over sometimes, and when he is here I do about 80% of the work, and I will admit that I am one to use such terms as demon spawn, and brat etc.. but it is indeed not the childs fault how the parent raises them.

All in all, Everyone should make whatever decisions are right for them [kids, no kids, married, single, etc..] regardless of what others say because only they themselves truely know what is right for them.

[audrey]

All in all, Everyone should make whatever decisions are right for them [kids, no kids, married, single, etc..] regardless of what others say because only they themselves truely know what is right for them.

Very well said

It is sad that you apparently have to play such a big role in the upbringing of your sister & niece. I mean, it's great that you do it obviously, but as an elder sister/aunt, I'd think you should do more spoiling and doting on them and less raising them, which ought to be the parents' duty. And I think it's a bit hypocritical that your mother tells you that, when you have a 13 years younger sister yourself... Obviously she was still having kids at an age far older than 24..!

[CrimsonRegret]

Very well said

It is sad that you apparently have to play such a big role in the upbringing of your sister & niece. I mean, it's great that you do it obviously, but as an elder sister/aunt, I'd think you should do more spoiling and doting on them and less raising them, which ought to be the parents' duty. And I think it's a bit hypocritical that your mother tells you that, when you have a 13 years younger sister yourself... Obviously she was still having kids at an age far older than 24..!

Thank you

[kanda]

My bride and I are child free. There are so many things that contributed to that. I  love children. With no false modesty, I would have been a great dad. It sometimes makes me sad that I won't be a dad, but life is a series of choices. Like April has said on several occasions, a person is dealt a hand, but they decide whether to go all in or just fold.

When someone asks when we are going to have children, or someone asks when we are going to give my parents some grandchildren, it hurts. My parents would have been the best grandparents to walk the face of the earth, and I can't give that to them. People have no shame in asking when a married couple are going to have children or why they don't have children. When we tell them we are unable to have kids, then the advice starts: fertility clinics, etc. We have had to actually get rude with some people to shut them up...usually my bride will tell them at that point that a fertility clinic won't give her a new uterus.

[JustAGuy]

My bride and I are child free. There are so many things that contributed to that. I  love children. With no false modesty, I would have been a great dad. It sometimes makes me sad that I won't be a dad, but life is a series of choices. Like April has said on several occasions, a person is dealt a hand, but they decide whether to go all in or just fold.

When someone asks when we are going to have children, or someone asks when we are going to give my parents some grandchildren, it hurts. My parents would have been the best grandparents to walk the face of the earth, and I can't give that to them. People have no shame in asking when a married couple are going to have children or why they don't have children. When we tell them we are unable to have kids, then the advice starts: fertility clinics, etc. We have had to actually get rude with some people to shut them up...usually my bride will tell them at that point that a fertility clinic won't give her a new uterus.

I hear you, I cant have kids either. My daughter was 9 months old when I met her mother, she'll be 22 in May. We've been asked when we are going to have another, our dauther even asked for a little sister or brother several times growing up, its painful to have to listen to the questions, advice etc some times