Childfree by choice

[audrey]

Firstly, I must confess that I am a bit anxious to start this thread. I know that this is an absolutely non-discussable topic for some people, but I consider you all open-minded enough to, well, be able to discuss it even if you disagree 100% with someone's opinion. I hope I'm right... ^_^;

So with that out of the way, let's start. I do think this is a very interesting topic, if only for personal reasons. I've seen/read the extremes of both sides; people who say that everyone who chooses not to have kids is selfish, that childfree women are 'incomplete', 'unnatural', a disgrace for their gender, etcetera. Religious people telling the childfree that they're sinning and will be punished by God (be their God the Christian, Jewish, Muslim or whatever God) - the list goes on. And on the other side, childfree people claiming all kids are devil spawn, annoying, brats, pointless, a waste of time, money and energy - again, the list goes on. Where do you guys stand?

I, myself, am childfree by choice (hence the 'personal reasons'). I don't dislike children per se - there are plenty of really annoying brats that make me want to do nothing more than give them a good, hard kick in the butt, but in most cases that's the fault of their parents and the way they raise (or lack thereof) their children. Generally speaking though, I definitely don't dislike children and I certainly don't hate all of them. My three main reasons for not wanting children are that I have several genetic disorders that I do not wish to pass on to anyone, ever; that I think there are already way too many people on this earth and I don't wish to add more; and (which is why I don't consider adopting, either) that I simply refuse to give up a lot for them. If that last reason does make me selfish indeed, so be it. I like kids, I like spending time with them, I've had several babysitting jobs that I loved - but after a day or so, I've had enough for at least a week. And then I actually got paid for it, not had to pay for them.

Bring on your opinions, I'm curious to hear what you all think of this topic

[JustAGuy]

IMO its not up to someone else to decide if you or anyone should have kids or not.  Its a personal choice, no matter what the reason. I dont think its wrong for anyone to choose to not want kids

[Jodyism]

I understand both sides of it - but believe that people should live their own lives and not worry about what everone else thinks/wants. I have family that is on both sides... My uncle and his wife have no kids and will never have kids- I asked him about it once and he said that he doesnt need to have his own children to feel complete... being an uncle is a what he enjoys (and he said his brother has had enough for him). Now the other side.. I have another uncle (the brother) Has 7 kids, born again christian and all that sorts. I dont know why they keep having them (my childless uncle bought the overproducing uncle a vesectimy for his birthday ).

I think that it is personal choice... you have to live with your decisions not me...

[Em]

I absolutely respect the fact that there are some people who decide not to have children. I would never try to tell someone that they were wrong for feeling that way.

From a personal perspective, I cannot wait to be a mother one day whether that be via adoption or the old-fashioned way. I am looking forward to experiencing what other women have been for thousands and thousands of years as they conceive, carry and finally raise their child. I think it is no coincidence that my body was ultimately designed to experience it all if I chose to. From a scientific perspective, it has always been so fascinating to me that this little person would be literally partially me and partially my significant other. I look forward to one day seeing how a child could enrich my life's journey.

My husband was adopted into a wonderful family, and I think that it would be equally as wonderful of an experience. To extend love into a child's life when their chances seemed a little less than optimistic at first would really be a blessing to me more than anything else.

I come from a family of five children, and while I know I do not want to have that many, I am extremely close to and love my family more than anything. I think it would be the most significant accomplishment of my life to be able to share that same unconditional love of family with a child of my own.

 

[blueluvinurse]

I agree with most here. It's every person's own choice and no one has the right to judge anyone else's decision.  I have a unique perspective on this because when I was young, I was very firmly set and vocal about not ever having kids. Didn't want them. Didn't have time for them. Had too much stuff to do that did not include children. Then, I found Mr. Man--married him and then my perspective changed. I felt the need to have a baby and we did. Then a second one. And I now can't imagine ever not wanting them. So, I've been on both sides. I know the passion of not wanting babies and then, later, the complete joy of bringing babies into the world. If I had maintained my stance of no babies, no one would have the right to judge me for it. And since I changed my mind and had babies, no one has the right to judge me for it. I'm happy. That's all that matters.

[Sotxter]

'll share my personal experience to give you a different perspective.  I was very contentedly selfish, my four year tour in the army was nearing it's end and I was faced with the prospect of returning to my home state (Michigan) where my old friends were doing the same things they were doing when I left, but much the worse for wear.  I had begun a relationship with a local woman, that I found out after several dates, had two children. We married, I think, partly because I wanted a reason to stay in Texas.  I'd like to say I was a decent father to her two children (boy and girl) four and eight at the time (I adopted them shortly after we were married) but sometimes I felt like I was going through the motions.  Long story short we kind of matter of factly decided to have another child.  I can't over state this, there is nothing I have ever done in my life that has made near the impact of my daughters birth, from the first time I laid eyes on her to this day (she's 19 now), she makes me a better person, and I became a much better father to my other children too.  The wife split and left me with the kids and I wouldn't trade places with her for the world.

[audrey]

I definitely agree that no one has the right to either decide for others or judge their choices. I honestly doubt I'll ever change my mind on being childfree, but I don't have the gift to look in the future so I can't possibly give a 100% certainty on that.

However, if people decide to have kids, they should know what they're up for and be ready for it. There are far too many stories going around about neglect, abuse, wrong parenting, etcetera. Having kids for the sake of having kids is, in my eyes, wrong. You're not just 'having a kid' (I hate the word 'have' in this context anyway), you're bringing another human being into this world, one that you are responsible for and that you have to make sure will turn into a good person. I think that is where too many people with children go wrong.

That said, there are also plenty of great parents of course, that just doesn't usually make the news. And I definitely think children can enrich their parents' lives, bring joy, create a mutual happiness.

[Sotxter]

My point is that I would have been perfectly content to live out my life childless, but feel that without a doubt my llife has been improved ten times over inways I could have never forseen until it happened.

[Heretik]

I will take a person not having a kid, but should
over people having children that shouldn't

any day


I think it's a very mature and thought out decision you've made

And in the future if you decide to adopt or anything, you can still do... however, if you choose to have children... you can't exactly put them back

[EsenciaDeLaFuerza]

However, if people decide to have kids, they should know what they're up for and be ready for it.

No one ever and I mean EVER actually knows what they're up for and ready for it (on their first child).

With that said, I would rather see someone who may or may not have been a great parent NOT have children, than see someone who is a terrible parent have children.  I can argue several points you made, but the fact remains, you should do what you feel is right for you. 

[EsenciaDeLaFuerza]

she makes me a better person

Very well said.  I feel that way too.   Well, I mean about me

[Ren]

I too, agree that it is a personal choice and no one should be judged by others either way. 

[audrey]

I will take a person not having a kid, but should
over people having children that shouldn't

any day


I think it's a very mature and thought out decision you've made

And in the future if you decide to adopt or anything, you can still do... however, if you choose to have children... you can't exactly put them back

Thank you
And you're absolutely right. Although, once you've adopted you can't really return them anymore either. Having children, through adoption or birth giving or whatever, is a permanent decision.

No one ever and I mean EVER actually knows what they're up for and ready for it (on their first child).

With that said, I would rather see someone who may or may not have been a great parent NOT have children, than see someone who is a terrible parent have children.  I can argue several points you made, but the fact remains, you should do what you feel is right for you. 

Yeah you're right, I put that wrong. I meant that people should at least have an idea of what it means to be a parent, and be willing to take that responsibility whatever happens. I am not, which I think is reason enough for me not to ever consider children.

And by all means, argue them! That's what this topic is for, right? I want to hear other people's opinions and thoughts

[vynyl]

I too am child free and husband free by choice. I can not stand people who are married or have kids and think that I am missing out on something just because it makes them feel more fullfilled to have other people in their lives like that. I hate the way that people thinks it selfish not to want children. And though most people (when called out on it) will say that it's a personal choice, the truth is, most people who are in a family type situation look down on their single friends. I don't know if it's jealousy or really that they think my life would be more complete with a man or a kid....but it drives me nuts.

[Heretik]

<----in a relationship and basically has stepkids while still not looking down upon vynyl or anyone that is childfree or relationship free by choice